Jihad update

Recent unrest in the Middle East has led to the declaration of a new jihad against unclean beverages. The probations on alcohol have been deemed insufficient to prevent drinking, so the religious leaders have responded by denouncing drinks with the potential to ferment.




















Early reports indicate that at least one nation in the area has thrown its political will behind the jihad, declaring that “The state of liquid should be wiped off the map.”

In the United States, the security level in grocery stores has been raised from apple to orange.